Please choose from the following resources for family and friends.
Helpful Tips on Anticipatory Grief
Family and Friends: How You Can Help!
Helpful Tips on Anticipatory Grief
Your mother is ill. She may have been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness that is now terminal or she may be aging and may now be reaching the end of her life. Listed below are a few tips that may be helpful as you navigate your way through your Anticipatory Grief Journey.
- Realize the journey ahead will be difficult for you, your family, and also for your mother, especially as the realization sets in that she will soon leave you and others behind.
- Ask others to support you and to walk with you during this journey. You may want to identify a few people who are in your inner circle (extended family members, members of your faith community, neighbors, colleagues, etc.)
- Discuss openly as possible the impending death process with your mother. Console her on an as-needed basis whenever….
- Share/discuss memories and special times throughout your relationship. Try to spend as much time as possible at her bedside, but remember you must also care for yourself during this time as well.
- Ask forgiveness or mend broken relationships. Include others in this process as needed.
- Take advantage of hospice services as the care and support offered to your mother, yourself, and other members of the family are tremendous.
- REST! Take care of yourself during this time. Feeling tired and overwhelmed can make this process overwhelming.
- Acknowledge by communicating the impact your mother has had in your life. Take advantage of as many opportunities as possible to share how special your mother has been and the impact she has had on your life. Don’t forget to mention specific examples of how she has made a difference in your life.
- Remember you are not alone. Your God is with you as He promised to never leave you alone. ( ). You might feel abandoned or alone, but trust that God is with you and surrounds and embraces your mother even now.
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Family and Friends: How You Can Help!
There are ways you can help your family member, friend, fellow church member, colleague who has experienced the death of a mother. The following is a compiled list of suggestions that may aid you in providing support.
Immediately following death:
- Offer assistance with funeral service arrangements: Be willing to help make necessary funeral or service arrangements, but try to avoid becoming an enabler. (Don’t do it all -- especially the things he/she can do for themselves.)
- Offer assistance to help write or finish preparing the obituary or program: If death happened suddenly, this task can be extremely overwhelming and dually burdensome
- Offer assistance with food: Casseroles and dinners are always welcome, but don’t forget other necessities like breakfast and lunch foods. (An added bonus arrives when you include products as well – paper plates, napkins, cups, even plastic utensils).
- Offer assistance with out-of-town guests upon arrival: Picking up family and friends from the airport and assisting them to their designated destination will be most helpful and certainly appreciated.
- Offer assistance with answering telephone calls and deliveries (including a log) as they are received: Taking turns (2-3 hour shifts can be helpful.)
- Offer assistance with transports: Additional family members/out-of-town guests may need a ride to the service. Offering this service will be a big help!
- Writing assistance: Writing “Thank You” notes after the service requires a lot of time. Purchasing stamps will be an added bonus and will also be greatly appreciated.
- Offer to stay at the place of residence: As the family/friends depart for the funeral/memorial service, other deliveries may arrive. Offer to stay behind to welcome last minute deliveries or calls.
In the following weeks and months following death:
- Be an attentive listener: Try to avoid making judgments about the person’s feelings or behavior. Grief is individual and is very real, so make every effort to decrease or minimize one’s grief. Allow him/her to tell their story and express emotion as often as needed.
- Be present: There are days and times when no words are even necessary. Taking the time to be present (with no hurried agenda) will mean so much.
- Understand that grieving takes time: Because grief does not operate on a specific time frame, the grieving process may take longer for one than it does for the other.
- Be patient: Try your very best to be understanding if he/she seems to grieve longer than others. Physically separating and enduring the loss of a loved one can be a very painful experience. You can be a great help by reinforcing the person to “take as much time as needed to recover from their loss”.
- Be understanding when tears flow. Our culture isn’t very accepting of the act of grieving. Even today death remains a very taboo subject. Grieving persons should never feel embarrassed when they cry, however, most do. Support him/her as the tears flow. Crying is very therapeutic and is also cleansing for the soul.
- Assist the family to find ways to continue their mother’s love and legacy. (See the page on Helpful Ways to Remember).
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